Cremate or not cremate – it is not a question

I am finding many offers with reasonable prices for my direct cremation. The problem is, that I am still alive and planning to do so for many years to come. So, I will have to blindly trust the funeral home I chose. Also I don’t know yet, how my life insurance will fit into this business. This is, why I have life insurance, to pay for the costs of my demise. If prepayment arrangement means exactly, what it says – I am in trouble. 

My family probably will think, that I went draconian way. No viewing, no visitations, no display. Straight to crematorium. Only my ashes in beautiful vases, I will pay for by myself, will be delivered to Bogdan and Malgosia at both oceanic shores. They should have a mass for me, nice diner and then place my ashes in Atlantic and in Pacific. They will be split in half.

Saturday, July 2, 2016

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Asiatic lillies

Do not give up on your Asiatic lilies until June. They will finally show up. On Nordica  I was already thinking, that my beautiful lilies froze in a ground, or were eaten up by squirrels and my sweet little bunny. I don’t know, on whose yard this bunny was born, but he for sure loves my garden. And I don’t even have a heart to chase him. It is like a beautiful toy.

Now in 2016, I am trying to plant Asiatic lilies in pots, on windows of my apartment, as I don’t have a garden anymore. First year they grew very tall leaves and flowers much higher than in a garden,  yet absolutely not larger or more beautiful. Just so so.

This year, it is July already, but there is not even one lily flower bud out of 12 plants. I have again high, very high plants with lot of leaves, but not even one flower.

Obviously I will wait for much longer, before I decide, what to do, if anything with this disappointing crop of flowers. Lilies and hyacinths came up first year only. Tulips didn’t come up at all. I was told, that bulbs had to be frozen, before being planted. We didn’t do that. Bulbs were beautiful, so fresh and we put them straight to planting pots. And they just sit there. 

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To Jackie Chan

Watching his film once again I was over helmed by feelings of admiration and gratitude. What a phenomenal combination of athletic mastery, charm, humor and sweetness.

He doesn’t kill enemies, doesn’t bloody them, he just fight the way, which combine ballet, comedy,  unbelievable perfection of every move and utterly surprising choice of items to use in a fight. Which is anything what is there. No brutality. No sex.

For person being bedridden for quite a while, television and computer are sole and great companions. Finding Jackie Chan there is a special, charming gift.

Love you, Jackie!

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Spring 2013

May First is a big communist holiday. Day of solidarity of workers. How I hated the parade lasting forever, propaganda, enforced participation… But it was then, in Poland under Stalin and his followers.. Now they eased up a bit I think.

They did or didn’t, it doesn’t concern me anymore. For the last 40 years I live in United States! 



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I feel terribly. Esther died and no one gave me information on date of her funeral and visitation time at funeral home. I asked for all this too late, when everything was done.

Kay sent me an icy email, that ‘it is all over now’, but anyway I will send flowers to Esther house ‘In loving memory’.

I feel bad, that I was waiting for news from them, instead of asking questions myself. They forgot about me in all this commotion, yet I was waiting for information too long..bilbergia_nutans2.jpg

I think I will send an amaryllis. They are gorgeous, but will I be able to get one? At the end of December… But first at all I am going to write an apology for my part of misunderstanding to all four Esther’s daughters.

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My question is?

5/27/2012. It is over a year already. I stopped paying my enormous credit cards debts in December 2010.. Very soon will be time to forget mortgage payments. $1000.00 a month. God hep me get reverse mortgage!

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I need a bypass surgery on my both legs. Somehow I have to find out, if my insurance (Medicare and Medicaid) covers this assignment, or they refuse to pay for it. It is possible, that a doctor, who didn’t want to see me for the follow-up visit meant that, when she said ‘she has an insurance problem’.

It is possible that she is not discriminating against Medicaid patients and I was wrong assuming that. How will I get to the bottom of this problem? Doctors didn’t explain me, that this is the reason they drag their feet and delay the treatment.

I will call my primary physician.  If my suspicions are right I will ask myself, ‘what I was thinking’ accepting HMO Medicare/Medicaid insurance combination?



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Here are my thoughts on Medicaid.In the four months I have it as a secondary insurance to Medicare – I have a big problem finding a specialist doctor accepting Medicaid. I needed blood circulation in legs specialist and I got one, but she refused to see me for follow up visit. I am waiting now for the word from my primary care doctor, how we will solve this problem.


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After many years I am back…

It is me.jpg

I was blogging many years ago, when no one else was doing so. Now I am going to do it again.

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Hello world!

Welcome to This is your first post. Edit or delete it and start blogging!

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